“It Wasn't Me”: The PvP Excuse Catalog

Let’s talk about what happens when a gamer loses. Not when they get slightly outplayed. Not when they almost clutch. I mean loses. Hard. Bad. Full-on “Why even install this game” territory. There’s a moment, right before the rage-quit, just after the final kill cam, where the brain scrambles for answers.

And out comes the excuse.

We’ve all heard them. Maybe we’ve even said them. Whether you’re in a 1v1 fighting game, a sweaty shooter lobby, or a team brawler where your tank insists they carried, excuses are part of the PvP experience. But let’s be real. Some of them are just sad. Some are hilarious. And some? Some are legit.

This post is a field guide for those post-loss coping mechanisms. We're sorting the greatest hits of PvP excuses using a very important scale that reflects how true they really are.

Each entry includes the excuse, its rating on the scale, and most importantly, who is actually to blame if it’s real. Buckle in.

“Bro, you probably no-life this game.”

Validity: Valid Salad
Fault: The Complainer

Yep. They probably do play a lot. That’s how people get good. It’s not an insult. It’s the natural outcome of time invested in a skill. Acting like someone is worse because they practice more is backwards logic. If anything, that’s the dream. People love the game so much that they grind it, learn it, and win because of it.

The real issue is that this excuse is a way of saying, “I lost, but only because you care more than I do.” That’s not a brag. That’s an admission. You didn’t take it as seriously. They did. And they won. Welcome to competition. Which is funny because, if you don’t care as much then why are you making the excuse?

“I’m playing the hardest class.”

Validity: Invalid Salad
Fault: The Player

True. Some characters or roles are just harder to play. But nobody made you pick them. Walking into a competitive match with something you haven’t mastered and then blaming the challenge of that choice isn’t noble. It’s avoidance.

This excuse is essentially saying, “I would’ve won if I picked the easier character.” Cool. But you didn’t. The loss still goes on your record, and the learning still goes on you. This, I feel, is the only legitimate time to say “git gud.”

“That character/gun is broken.”

Validity: Steaming Lettuce
Fault: Usually the Complainer, Occasionally the Devs

We all know the meta exists. Some things rise to the top. Some are definitely stronger than others. But if it’s really that broken, then why haven’t you figured out how to beat it? And if it’s used that often, why are you still surprised?

The real answer is that strong options exist in every game, but they’re rarely unbeatable. Saying something is broken without knowing its weaknesses just means you haven’t done your homework. Every tool has a counter, and most of the time, that counter is effort.

“They were just cheesing.”

Validity: Steaming Lettuce
Fault: The Complainer

Cheese is a catch-all for “They used a strategy I don’t like over and over.” If it’s allowed by the game, if it’s not an exploit, and if it wins matches, then it’s not cheese. It’s just effective.

If someone is repeating a move or tactic over and over, that means it’s predictable. If you still lost to it, that’s on you. This isn’t about fairness. This is about preparation. You got cooked by cheddar, not because it was unfair, but because you didn’t bring any crackers.

“You were literally camping the whole time.”

Validity: Hot Pocket
Fault: The Complainer

Yes, they camped. That means they understood the map, took a position of advantage, and waited for you to make the mistake of rushing in. That’s not cowardice. That’s a win condition.

Camping isn’t fun to play against, but it’s absolutely part of competitive play. If you don’t like it, find a counter. Stop rushing. Use grenades. Flank. Anything but charging the same corner expecting a different outcome. That’s not brave. That’s just bad. If an opponent is camping, then you know EXACTLY where you need to go. Do that instead.

“Lag. That was totally lag.”

Validity: Hot Pocket
Fault: One of the Players

Lag happens. Sometimes your connection is bad. Sometimes it’s your opponent’s. Sometimes it’s the server’s fault. But more often than not, this excuse gets dropped when someone’s reflexes don’t match what they think they pressed. It’s definitely happened to me before. While playing Smash, I often say “UM!! I totally just pressed shield, what happened!?” It felt like the controller was bugged out, but it’s more likely that I’m just bad at Smash…

If lag is real, it’s annoying. But if lag is your go-to every time you lose, then it’s not the internet that’s unstable. It’s your confidence. Unless you’ve got ping stats and packet loss reports, this one doesn’t hold much weight.

“They were definitely cheating.”

Validity: Pants on Fire
Fault: The Devs if true, the Complainer if not

This is the nuclear option. The desperate scream from a bruised ego. The final card to play when nothing else fits.

Yes, cheaters exist. Aimbots, wall hacks, invincibility exploits, the whole lot. But odds are, you didn’t just run into one. You ran into someone who outplayed you so hard that your only explanation is “they must be cheating.” That’s not detective work. That’s denial.

Unless you have solid proof, leave this one alone. Accusing without evidence doesn’t make you look observant. It makes you look salty.

Final Thoughts

PvP is intense. It’s frustrating. It’s wild. And sometimes, it hurts your pride. That’s fine. Losing happens. But what you say after the loss? That’s where your real game shows up.

Excuses might make you feel better in the moment. But long term? They stop you from improving. So next time you catch an L, pause before firing up the mic. Maybe don’t yell “You’re just abusing the meta” or “That was lag.” Maybe just say “GG” and head to the lab.

The road to greatness isn’t paved with excuses. It’s paved with self-awareness.